Rest In Peace Patrice O'Neal

Word broke today that comedian Patrice O'Neal (41) had died...He had suffered a stroke back on October 19th...Since then there had no talk of his recovery as his family has kept things quiet...All of us who are fans of his comedy were hoping for good news soon, but sadly things didn't turn out that way...

I first learned of Patrice O'Neal from the Opie and Anthony Show...His open and honest takes on women, relationships, race, and everything else were not only funny, but brilliant...It's not just a sad day for the comedy world, it's a sad day for the world.

Here are a few examples of Patrice bringing us laughs and thoughts...




From his last stand up special, Elephant in the Room"










Here Patrice breaks down the song "Creep"...It's hilarious, because it's true!




Here's Patrice standing up to dolts about what funny is...




Listen up ladies...




Here's the Classic, "Side Pussy"





Rest In Peace Patrice O'Neal.

The Beeze Reviews Melt

Okay, for a few years now, I've been of the mindset of, "Fuck Melt!" Over=priced, over-hyped grilled cheese, served by a bunch of douchebags that thing they are too good to be waiting on you...


Well, after tonight, my mind has not been changed at all...Fuck these fucking cock sucking douchebags!

After going to a movie this evening, the Mrs. and I were feeling hungry...We checked with the sitter, the kids were doing well...Baby was asleep, no problems...We saw the Melt in Independence, Ohio and said 'what the hell...Lets give it another try...Past experiences had us waiting an hour for a table (first come first serve)...And then be waited on by a dolt with too may piercing and too many tattoos, who had an attitude that doing her job, waiting on us, was some how beneath her...Of course she thought highly of herself, already be well trained as a human pin-cushion...

Then there was the food...I would describe it as "DRUNK FOOD"...Shit I was making at 3:00 AM when I was drunk, 15 years ago...Yet the mastermind behind Melt, egomaniac, Matt Fish thinks he's greatest culinary mind on Earth...Hey, I love grilled cheese like a mother fucker, but slapping a pirogi in the middle of one is no great shakes...A fucking retard could come up with that!

But back to tonight...We walk in, and ask the hostess about how long...She says 20 minutes, and I peeked at the clipboard...There were only 2 parties ahead of us...We put in our name and had a seat...After that a couple more parties came in...About 30 minutes into our wait, the tables ahead of us had been sat, so we were looking forward to getting to a table soon...Then a party of 4 came in...They went right up to the hostess stand, and it was clear they were friends with the people that worked there...2 minutes later, they were sat...

We looked at the people around us, and it was clear everyone was pissed about this...My wife got up, and started scanning the floor for any other open tables...There were none...Then she approached the hostess...She asked "did those people have a reservation?"...The twat responded by saying, "We don't take reservations, it's first come first serve." The Mrs. said, "Well they just got here, and we've been waiting for awhile now." So the twat says, "Oh, they put their name in like a hour ago, and then came back."

This is where I step in..."No they didn't...If they did, why did you tell us, it was only a 20 minute wait." Twat said, "Yes sir, they did." ..."Ummm, no they didn't, I saw the sheet, and there were only two names ahead of ours, and they were sat." Twat now change to cunt..."Are you calling me a liar?" ...."Yes, you're a lying cunt...Fuck your shitty grilled cheese!"

And we left...I stopped there, because the next thing to come out of my mouth was, 'I hope the next time you get your stupid lip, or nose, or whatever pieced....I hope a dirty needle is involved, and you get the AIDS...Not Magic Johnson AIDS that can be fixed with Millions of dollars and Swedish doctors, but the nasty, bad AIDS, you stupid dirty cunt!'

Yeah, When I get pissed, my mind goes to bad places...Really bad...So we left...Fuck her! Fuck her friends...Fuck her family...Fuck Matt Fish...Fuck Melt...Stupid fucking grilled cheese....Suck a dick!

Later, The Beeze.

A Blast From The Past

A Little "Honey Sugar"

Honey Sugar

A Flow-Chart For Penn State to Follow

Get it Dummies!?!

Later, The Beeze.

Ashton Kutcher is a Fucking Idiot

This was Ashton Kutcher's tweet last night after Joe Paterno was fired...He tweeted it to his 8 million followers and walked away...

I don't follow him, because I think he's a dolt...But his idiocy was ReTweeted by tons of people...I jumped all over his ass tweeting things like "@aplusk I guess you support child rape too, you stupid fucking asshole!" and

"@aplusk Too bad you didn't get raped, and have people cover it up...Then maybe you'd get it!" and

"@aplusk A stupid old football coach is more important then kids getting raped...You're an idiot...Try reading the report asshole! He knew!" and then he admitted he tweeted without knowing what the hell he was talking about...

"@aplusk Try reading something other than a script fuckstain! KIDS GOT RAPED! 10 year old raped in PSU shower by a coach, JoePa covered it up"

"@aplusk deleted his idiotic tweet. Doesn't make it better that he spoke without knowing a damn thing about what he was talking about. #Dolt"

Kutcher apologized repeatedly, and admitted to being an idiot...But that's not enough for me...Then on Thursday he posted THIS bullshit...

He talks about being a football fan, yet some how he thinks Penn State, the #12 team in the country with a 8-1 record, would fire Paterno for football reasons...And how does a football fan not know about this horrible story that has been swirling around Penn State? HOW ASSHOLE?

Either he really is a total and complete fucking idiot, or he is a typical, Hollywood celebra-tard, looking for some free PR...No matter what it is, unlike him, I don't delete my tweets, and I stand by them...Including the one where I said "@aplusk Too bad you didn't get raped, and have people cover it up...Then maybe you'd get it!"

Bring back Charlie Sheen...He may be a junkie, nut-job...But he's not a complete fucking idiot, supporting the cover-up of child rape...Even if he didn't mean it, and his bs story is true, have some info before you spew your idiotic thoughts to the world...

And by the way...All this talk about Paterno, and Kutcher, and Sandusky, and the Penn State students being fucking idiots...Oh, I'll get to them in my next post...The real shit that isn't being talked about enough, is the kids...The victims of these horrible crimes...Luckily, Theo Fleury, a survivor of sexual abuse was on the CBS Morning Show, and reminded people of that...Get his thoughts HERE.

Later, The Beeze.

"Factory of Sadness" Going Viral

The last couple weeks I've been going off on how awful the Cleveland Browns have been...Including calling for fans to stop wasting their money on such a horrible product...Well after Sunday's embarrassing performance against the Texans, Cleveland comic, Mike Polk took to the streets and expressed his thoughts, and the thoughts of so many of us on the Browns...




It's funny because it's true...Adding to the humor, Polk is out there rocking the jersey of Butch Davis' best draft pick ever...Long Snapper, Ryan Pontbriand!

Polk's "Factory of Sadness" hit a home run, and just hours later, the image at the top, Cleveland Browns Stadium turned "Factory of Sadness" was born...The video has hit news shows, and is all over Facebook and Twitter...Mike Polk finally getting some love...Too bad the Browns have to suck so bad for Polk to get some attention.

Later, The Beeze.