Monday, March 26, 2012

In Flight Conversation

"An Alabama congressman the was seated next to a little girl on the flight to D.C., when the politician turned to her and said,'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.

'The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the politico, 'What would you like to talk about?'... 'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about nuclear power?' and he grins.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?'

The politician, now visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Thanks for this Nutball!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Rest In Peace Patrice O'Neal

Word broke today that comedian Patrice O'Neal (41) had died...He had suffered a stroke back on October 19th...Since then there had no talk of his recovery as his family has kept things quiet...All of us who are fans of his comedy were hoping for good news soon, but sadly things didn't turn out that way...

I first learned of Patrice O'Neal from the Opie and Anthony Show...His open and honest takes on women, relationships, race, and everything else were not only funny, but brilliant...It's not just a sad day for the comedy world, it's a sad day for the world.

Here are a few examples of Patrice bringing us laughs and thoughts...

From his last stand up special, Elephant in the Room"

Here Patrice breaks down the song "Creep"...It's hilarious, because it's true!

Here's Patrice standing up to dolts about what funny is...

Listen up ladies...

Here's the Classic, "Side Pussy"

Rest In Peace Patrice O'Neal.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Beeze Reviews Melt

Okay, for a few years now, I've been of the mindset of, "Fuck Melt!" Over=priced, over-hyped grilled cheese, served by a bunch of douchebags that thing they are too good to be waiting on you...

Well, after tonight, my mind has not been changed at all...Fuck these fucking cock sucking douchebags!

After going to a movie this evening, the Mrs. and I were feeling hungry...We checked with the sitter, the kids were doing well...Baby was asleep, no problems...We saw the Melt in Independence, Ohio and said 'what the hell...Lets give it another try...Past experiences had us waiting an hour for a table (first come first serve)...And then be waited on by a dolt with too may piercing and too many tattoos, who had an attitude that doing her job, waiting on us, was some how beneath her...Of course she thought highly of herself, already be well trained as a human pin-cushion...

Then there was the food...I would describe it as "DRUNK FOOD"...Shit I was making at 3:00 AM when I was drunk, 15 years ago...Yet the mastermind behind Melt, egomaniac, Matt Fish thinks he's greatest culinary mind on Earth...Hey, I love grilled cheese like a mother fucker, but slapping a pirogi in the middle of one is no great shakes...A fucking retard could come up with that!

But back to tonight...We walk in, and ask the hostess about how long...She says 20 minutes, and I peeked at the clipboard...There were only 2 parties ahead of us...We put in our name and had a seat...After that a couple more parties came in...About 30 minutes into our wait, the tables ahead of us had been sat, so we were looking forward to getting to a table soon...Then a party of 4 came in...They went right up to the hostess stand, and it was clear they were friends with the people that worked there...2 minutes later, they were sat...

We looked at the people around us, and it was clear everyone was pissed about this...My wife got up, and started scanning the floor for any other open tables...There were none...Then she approached the hostess...She asked "did those people have a reservation?"...The twat responded by saying, "We don't take reservations, it's first come first serve." The Mrs. said, "Well they just got here, and we've been waiting for awhile now." So the twat says, "Oh, they put their name in like a hour ago, and then came back."

This is where I step in..."No they didn't...If they did, why did you tell us, it was only a 20 minute wait." Twat said, "Yes sir, they did." ..."Ummm, no they didn't, I saw the sheet, and there were only two names ahead of ours, and they were sat." Twat now change to cunt..."Are you calling me a liar?" ...."Yes, you're a lying cunt...Fuck your shitty grilled cheese!"

And we left...I stopped there, because the next thing to come out of my mouth was, 'I hope the next time you get your stupid lip, or nose, or whatever pieced....I hope a dirty needle is involved, and you get the AIDS...Not Magic Johnson AIDS that can be fixed with Millions of dollars and Swedish doctors, but the nasty, bad AIDS, you stupid dirty cunt!'

Yeah, When I get pissed, my mind goes to bad places...Really bad...So we left...Fuck her! Fuck her friends...Fuck her family...Fuck Matt Fish...Fuck Melt...Stupid fucking grilled cheese....Suck a dick!

Later, The Beeze.